Never thought it would happen to me.

Just got out of the hospital after a three hour stay to stop a bit of pre-term labor.  Oops.

On the one hand I am glad that they told me that it was, indeed, pre-term labor, meaning I am not a crazy person who just likes to go see doctors for fun, I knew something was the matter and it was.  On the other hand, that was a terrifying and lonely experience that I never want to repeat again.

I sat in my little room, alone, curtain closed hooked up to monitors and had to wait for the nurses to come in to ask permission to go to the bathroom.  I understand that hospitals are a lot busier, but the whole atmosphere was cold and unwelcoming.  Not to mention I had to get a doctor as an "unclaimed patient" because I see midwives now.  Just not very friendly and not very fun.  And the medicine came with a huge warning packet about "do not give to pregnant women".  :/

So, having experienced hospital reaction to birth, pregnancy and all of the above, I am both incredibly grateful for the institution and never ever ever ever ever want to go there again.  I'm glad that they made the contractions stop and helped saved Coyote, but I really really really had to pee on several occasions and they didn't appear to hear my "excuse me?  excuse me?"s.  Don't get me wrong, the nurses were nice, but I was crying and didn't even get offered a tissue.  It's just the policies in place.  They see way too many bad things to be able to connect to pregnant women on a human level.

Now my phone is dead and I can't update a lot of people who I'm sure are dying to know how I'm doing, but at least I have my status posted somewhere on the internet, so if they dig dig dig, they will find out.

I'm exhausted now and on orders for modified bedrest.  And once my phone is charged I have about ten billion phone calls to make, so I think I'm just going to sleep for a spell and gather my energy.

<3.

We're team . . .

Green.





But not in a baby's-legs-were-crossed way, I just don't particularly care for too much of the BLUE gear out there.  That's right, and believe me, my jaw hit the floor.

Mr. Coyote Rain is a perfect little boy who had no problem displaying his goods each of the four times I made the ultrasound tech double-check.  >.<

I can honestly say, I was not a happy camper when we found this out.  And I may or may not have cried for about five hours.  Partly out of disappointment, partly out of guilt (I've been referring to the baby as a she for, like, TWENTY WEEKS now!  I feel so bad for him!) and partly out of sheer fear and panic.

What the hell do you do with a boy?  And with his little thingy?  What if people think it's incredibly inappropriate that I don't want to circumcise and will therefore have to pull on it a bit to clean the wee out during diaper changes?  What if my plans for extended breastfeeding cause him to grow up terribly confused about boundaries with women?  What if I break him?  What if he hates me cause he knows that I wanted a girl?

Well, after sobbing alot, threatening to just give him up for adoption because I'm sure that he already hates me anyway, yelling at my stomach about why he didn't give me little boy dreams (and wtf is up with this extended morning sickness?  Doesn't he know that little boys aren't supposed to make you sick?) and having extended discussions with some of my very best e-friends, I sure am feeling better.

We even got to stop by Jo-Ann's and pick up a bit of yarn (tax-deductable now that I have an etsy shop open) in some boy colors (I was really convinced it was a girl and completely unprepared to make cute little boy things) and six little letters.  C-O-Y-O-T-E.

This was not all bought today, but the yarn and letters were.  We also have his little crib, a vibratey bouncer thing, a boppy and oodles of clothes.  Although, I do have quite a bit of girly clothes that will need to be packed away for baby number two.

And here is the most important picture from the ultrasound today:

Now he has no reason to go into the porn industry. Mama was one step ahead in plastering his naughty bits all over the interwebs!!

I. Will. Blog. More.

That's my June-years resolution.  To blog more.  Must increase my social networking skills now that I'm opening an online shop!  (Etsy, anyone?)

For those interested in visiting my new shop, I don't have anything up on there yet, but you can find me at: The Salted Cherry.  Hehe!!

I will be selling various knit items, specifically baby/maternity stuff, and hopefully I will be learning how to sew soon (I've been looking at used sewing machines on craigslist, might be able to snag a decent one for only $40 or so if I play my cards right) and then I can also sell cloth diapers, quilts, activity mats, etc.  So, doing very well craft-wise.

The pregnancy is also progressing well.  Biologically, my uterus is now up to my belly button (amazing considering it took 11 weeks to emerge from behind my pubic bone.  That seems like a lot of growth for 8 weeks!!) and my belly is starting to get hard.  I find out in a week if this is a girl baby or a boy baby, so looking forward to that!

Still getting morning sickness, but not nearly as severe as it used to be, mainly just first thing after I get up. I'm also having some major poo problems.  >.<!!  But at least I have the rest of the baby's life to remind him/her how hard this pregnancy was on me and that s/he should appreciate me lots and lots.  Woohoo!

Well, I just wanted to start instilling some self-discipline and write, but I don't have an awful lot more to say.  I will post pics next blog of some of my hand-knit items and we'll see how the reaction is.  Loads of loves to all!

Long time no see....

Sorry for the delay in posting, I've been busy throwing my guts up.

:/

No joke.

It was great, I get these weekly pregnancy updates and three days ago it read: "Remember when you were so queasy you could barely stomach ginger ale and a cracker?"  I had thrown up just a few minutes before reading it.  Ugn.

So, the morning sickness seems to not want to go away, but the rest of the pregnancy is progressing as predicted.  I'm starting to feel pain in my hips, clogged nose at night ("pregnancy rhinitis"), can't poop (don't even get me started) and (on a happier note) I've been feeling a LOT of movement.  Of course, I first felt movement at twelve weeks but I didn't really want to tell anyone for fear of ridicule or being told that I'm making it up, but the movements have continued and just gotten stronger, so I know for a fact that's what it was.

Also, my kiddies are in town!  My beautiful step-monsters.

We've been having oodles and oodles of fun together, from art projects:

Emma (5) and I, mixing "cement" for a stone she will be painting in a few days.

A drawing of Emma (left), Me (right) and the baby in my belly.  She says: "Because you're pregernent."

Noah (3, bottom), Emma and Mama playing with MoonSand!

To playing outside:

And even trying new things:

And making new friends!

So, all is well on the homestead.  My first Mother's Day was a long and trying day, but I'm so glad that I got to spend it hanging out with my favorite little kids.  And on the 9th?  Daddy let me sleep in until almost noon.  Ahhhh.  I have never craved sleep quite as bad as I do pregnant with a 3 & 5 year old running around.  Not even during midterms or anything.

Also: June 7th is the day that I prove to everyone that I have a little girl in my belly (or I am shocked to learn that it is, indeed, a little boy), so stay posted for photos.

I love you all and thanks for stopping by!

Screening for Down's Syndrome and Trisomy 18

It went well.  The blood draw was even done by this really great nurse and I couldn't feel the needle once it was actually in.  It was wonderful!

Got the results today and I have "the lowest result possible, 1 in 10,000 risk of Down's Syndrome and 1 in 10,000 risk of Trisomy 18."  Hooray!

But that's not why you're reading, is it?  You want to see the PICTURES!!!  I know my audience.  :D

Baby!!

 Right arm!  It's a top-down view and I can already rest assured that my baby has ten fingers and ten toes.  And I suspect lo is about to learn how to suck its thumb.

Little left leg.  Buttock.  And (is it just me, or is that a GIGANTIC) foot.  :)

Is it just me or can you see those little lips, too?  And a joker-esque smile?  Of course the eyes look weird--at this age (12w4d) baby's eyelids are still fused together.  Will be for a while, too.  And you can see the little fingers again!

Me Hungry.

Thinking about making a nice Mac' N Cheese casserole for BG for dinner.  Mmmm.

I'm 11 weeks 4 days preggo and the morning sickness is finally starting to ease off.  I did, however, wake up this morning and promptly dry-heaved all over the bed.  Poor BG, not fun for either of us.

But now I'm up, I've had my Zofran, and I'm drooling over food network.  OMG.

I really enjoy the fact that the majority of women on food network that they show cooking are not itty bitty skinny bitches that can eat and eat and not gain weight, but instead beautiful, curvy, healthy women who are not shy about their god-given need to eat and their skills at cooking.  It makes me feel better about myself.

This morning at the 7am AA meeting that I went to, a woman before the meeting saw me eating my bagel and cream cheese and told me, I swear to God, that I needed to "watch what I eat" because "the baby's going to get fat."

I felt so mean, but I looked her straight in the eyes and told her, "please do not tell the ex-bulimic what to eat or weigh."  I mean, really?  Where do people get off?  Not to mention that it's a whole grain blueberry bagel, the cream cheese is a good serving of dairy and I also had a snack pack of carrots.  I was blown away that she had the nerve to talk to me like that.

I found a shirt online the other day that says:

"I don't care about your labor stories, or what to name my child, no you cannot touch my belly and yes I'm going to eat that. Now go away."

After telling BG what the lady said to me, he told me that he is going to buy me that shirt and make me wear it to the meeting every morning.  Haha.  Good job cheering me up, honey!!  Such a love.

One of the most remarkable things about Ben is that he is always, ALWAYS on my side.  No matter what.  In our relationship, of course, there may be disagreements here or there, but in our dealings with other people, he always agrees with me.  I admire that about him, because I have no problem pointing out when I think his mom is right and he's wrong, but he never does that to me.

I guess I still have a bit to learn about love.

But I have plenty of time to learn it in.

Now: to go make dinner!

Childbirth

There are so many things that I want out of my childbirthing experience.

A few of the things I want most I already know that I cannot have, for financial reasons.  Such as a home/water birth with a midwife.  Medicaid, to my knowledge, will not help me with that financial cost.

But I still have a lot of opportunities!

I really want to have a natural birth.  I did not expect to want this, but from the moment we found out we were having a baby, I just knew that I didn't want the epidural.  And I want to be able to nurse my baby for the first ten minutes after his/her birth.  Not have him/her immediately cleaned off and weighed.  Fact: babies that are not immediately washed of the birth fluids initiate self-calming behaviors (thumb-sucking, etc) faster than those that are.

I do not want to be induced.  If I am three weeks past my due date, my due date was probably wrong.

I do NOT want to have a cesarian section.  I feel the strongest about this one, I think.  I don't want forceps or a vacuum or anything either, but I really, really don't want a cesarian.

So, I am resigned to a hospital birth. But I am not resigned to a medicated, out-of-it birth.  I am not resigned to being out of control.

I love my fiance.  I love him dearly, deeply, madly and truly.  But when I told him that I wanted a natural birth, he looked at me like I was crazy.  I know him, and he just wants a healthy baby, I don't think that he puts as much value on my birth plan as I do.  And I foresee being in terrible pain with my labor and saying "an epidural sounds nice," to which his reaction would likely be hunting down the doctor and making sure that I wasn't in pain anymore.  Not encouraging me to keep going.  He hates seeing me in pain.  I can only imagine how hard this is going to be on him.

So, what to do?

Aha!  There is another option: a doula.

It's something that is the perfect compromise between the home water birth that I want and the hospital birth that I am going to receive.  Another woman who will be there to hold my hand and remind me that my body was made to give birth.  A birth plan advocate, if you will.

But how in the world am I going to afford that, when medicaid is paying for everything?  Isn't a doula, like $2,000?  I don't have that kind of money.

Here's where the great news comes in that I told you about, Grandma Suzi.  (And to any other friends of mine that are reading).

I just found a Treasure Valley doula who only charges $700 for her services.

Only $700.

... I can do that.  With taxes coming back in, Ben's job and another seven months left to prepare, I can totally, totally do that.

I am almost in tears I am so happy.

She also has a childbirthing class that she offers, which I think Ben might really enjoy, and I know it will help me.

I can do this.

I am going to get to have my perfect birth.

I am so excited.

Mr. Bentley

So, there is good news on many fronts.

My Medicaid was accepted, so I no longer have to worry about how in the world I am going to manage to pay for the birth and prenatal care of this baby, HOORAY!!!

Also: my good friend Katie just recently had a little baby boy named Bentley, and she let me come over and visit with him for a few hours on Saturday, and I must say, I think I am going to do a good job at this mom thing.  He is sooo adorable, and she is an amazing mommy, but she let me carry him around and change a diaper, and I really don't think that motherhood is going to be as terrifying as I once thought.

The pictures of the two of us are really blurry because he insists on being bounced at all times.  Little cutie.

Yeah, I think I will be alright.

Also, my energy has been returning, bit by bit.  I've been able to actually leave the house during the day instead of just sitting curled up on the couch.  Hence, getting to go meet Mr. Bentley.

My mother is making the adjustment very well.  I expected that she would be upset when she first found out about the baby in my belly, and she was, she just hid it from me.  But she seems to be coming around, for which I am grateful.  I think that she is very well suited for Grandmahood, and I am excited to be the one to give it to her.  Even if I am "too young" and unmarried.  Big deal.

:)

Hooray for Symptoms!

Being on Zofran for the morning sickness (a GODSEND, btw for those of you who can't keep your face out of the toilet) does have a disadvantage: I often worry that I am not actually pregnant.  Morning sickness is my most prominent symptom and now that I have medical intervention in the way to allow me to live my life semi-normally, I almost miss it.  Not the actual vomiting in itself, but the constant reminder that I still have a baby growing in my belly.

The food aversions have persisted despite the Zofran, however, and I can't even watch a commercial about chicken without feeling my insides crawl.  And the food cravings are starting to come. I can't attest to wanting pickles and ice cream, or anything entirely too strange, but I did have an odd one today. Not pickles and ice cream odd, but, well . . .

 

It's a coffee cup filled with broth. Chicken broth, actually. Which is a little bit strange considering chicken makes me want to gag.  I guess it's a texture thing and not a flavor thing, because when the idea suddenly popped into my head, it quickly became a MUST have.  My second cup is in the microwave as I write.

So, I must still be pregnant.  Or at least incredibly crazy.

Another change with being pregnant is my newfound obsession with baby shows.  Today alone, I have watched "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant," "A Baby Story," "Bringing Home Baby," and "One Born Every Minute."  Also, "Sister Wives," which I don't know if that counts as a pregnancy show, but one of the wives is preggo in the old DVR episodes that I'm currently watching, so maybe.

I'm also addicted to baby apps (I have an iPhone), baby websites, baby books, and baby blogs.  I even created a list on Facebook of which ones of my female friends have children under the age of three.  I'm driving poor Ben completely crazy, and I worry that I'm starting to go a bit crazy as well.  I just want to make sure that I'm doing everything correctly!  I want to be the best Mommy that I can possibly be.

So that's enough of a confessional for one day, I will now go and hop in the shower so that I can be nice and clean when DF gets home from work in a little bit.

That is, after I finish my second cup of broth.  x.X

Welcome.

I really dislike the obligatory introduction that begins every new blog.  But nonetheless, I do find it obligatory.  So here goes . . .

My name is Geneva and I am many things: sister, daughter, step-child, step-parent, alcoholic who is active in my own recovery, recovered bulimic, wannabe buddhist, mama to four grey kitties, fiance to a very tall and handsome photographer with a dream in pizza restauranteering, writer and inventor of strange words, community theatre actress, and I am now embarking on my latest role, that of mommy-to-be.

There are a lot of things that I aspire to do with my life, the latest of course being that I want to be an amazing mother to the nine week old baby in my belly.

These are my beautiful step-children:

(Because what's a blog without photos?)

Noah Benjamin is the cheeky little three-year-old on the left.  He turns four the beginning of July.

Emma Danielle is the beautiful princess to his right.  She just turned five this St. Patrick's Day, but she is four in this photo.

Here's another one of her, pretending to read Daddy's Nintendo Power.  So proud of that little girl.  My only picture of Noah by himself ended up being a video, and it did horrible things to my formatting when I tried to put it on here, so I will get more photos up the next time they come to visit.

Oh yes, the sad thing about my beautiful step-children is that they live hundreds of miles away from us.  We're in Idaho, they're in California with their mother.  We get to see them about three times a year.  My favorite few weeks of the year.  Haven't seen them since Christmas, so they are due for another visit in a month or two.

Back to happy news! Here is a picture that we got yesterday of my little gummy bear in my belly:

Little head, two bitsy arm buds and the body.  It even wiggled for us.  And had a heartbeat of 181.  I could not be prouder.  I cried for hours after seeing my baby for the first time.  With all that I put my body through during my teenage years, I am AMAZED that my body can sustain life. 

I will get some cute pictures up of df and me in a little bit, all the photos that I have are old and in bad light.  Kids are cute no matter what, but I need to be well-showered and groomed to be presentable enough to go up on Teh Interwebs.  :)

Alright, this feels like a lengthy-enough opening. Now for the real fun: posting on a regular basis.  Hooray for the end of obligatory formalities!!  Haha.