Childbirth

There are so many things that I want out of my childbirthing experience.

A few of the things I want most I already know that I cannot have, for financial reasons.  Such as a home/water birth with a midwife.  Medicaid, to my knowledge, will not help me with that financial cost.

But I still have a lot of opportunities!

I really want to have a natural birth.  I did not expect to want this, but from the moment we found out we were having a baby, I just knew that I didn't want the epidural.  And I want to be able to nurse my baby for the first ten minutes after his/her birth.  Not have him/her immediately cleaned off and weighed.  Fact: babies that are not immediately washed of the birth fluids initiate self-calming behaviors (thumb-sucking, etc) faster than those that are.

I do not want to be induced.  If I am three weeks past my due date, my due date was probably wrong.

I do NOT want to have a cesarian section.  I feel the strongest about this one, I think.  I don't want forceps or a vacuum or anything either, but I really, really don't want a cesarian.

So, I am resigned to a hospital birth. But I am not resigned to a medicated, out-of-it birth.  I am not resigned to being out of control.

I love my fiance.  I love him dearly, deeply, madly and truly.  But when I told him that I wanted a natural birth, he looked at me like I was crazy.  I know him, and he just wants a healthy baby, I don't think that he puts as much value on my birth plan as I do.  And I foresee being in terrible pain with my labor and saying "an epidural sounds nice," to which his reaction would likely be hunting down the doctor and making sure that I wasn't in pain anymore.  Not encouraging me to keep going.  He hates seeing me in pain.  I can only imagine how hard this is going to be on him.

So, what to do?

Aha!  There is another option: a doula.

It's something that is the perfect compromise between the home water birth that I want and the hospital birth that I am going to receive.  Another woman who will be there to hold my hand and remind me that my body was made to give birth.  A birth plan advocate, if you will.

But how in the world am I going to afford that, when medicaid is paying for everything?  Isn't a doula, like $2,000?  I don't have that kind of money.

Here's where the great news comes in that I told you about, Grandma Suzi.  (And to any other friends of mine that are reading).

I just found a Treasure Valley doula who only charges $700 for her services.

Only $700.

... I can do that.  With taxes coming back in, Ben's job and another seven months left to prepare, I can totally, totally do that.

I am almost in tears I am so happy.

She also has a childbirthing class that she offers, which I think Ben might really enjoy, and I know it will help me.

I can do this.

I am going to get to have my perfect birth.

I am so excited.

Mr. Bentley

So, there is good news on many fronts.

My Medicaid was accepted, so I no longer have to worry about how in the world I am going to manage to pay for the birth and prenatal care of this baby, HOORAY!!!

Also: my good friend Katie just recently had a little baby boy named Bentley, and she let me come over and visit with him for a few hours on Saturday, and I must say, I think I am going to do a good job at this mom thing.  He is sooo adorable, and she is an amazing mommy, but she let me carry him around and change a diaper, and I really don't think that motherhood is going to be as terrifying as I once thought.

The pictures of the two of us are really blurry because he insists on being bounced at all times.  Little cutie.

Yeah, I think I will be alright.

Also, my energy has been returning, bit by bit.  I've been able to actually leave the house during the day instead of just sitting curled up on the couch.  Hence, getting to go meet Mr. Bentley.

My mother is making the adjustment very well.  I expected that she would be upset when she first found out about the baby in my belly, and she was, she just hid it from me.  But she seems to be coming around, for which I am grateful.  I think that she is very well suited for Grandmahood, and I am excited to be the one to give it to her.  Even if I am "too young" and unmarried.  Big deal.

:)

Hooray for Symptoms!

Being on Zofran for the morning sickness (a GODSEND, btw for those of you who can't keep your face out of the toilet) does have a disadvantage: I often worry that I am not actually pregnant.  Morning sickness is my most prominent symptom and now that I have medical intervention in the way to allow me to live my life semi-normally, I almost miss it.  Not the actual vomiting in itself, but the constant reminder that I still have a baby growing in my belly.

The food aversions have persisted despite the Zofran, however, and I can't even watch a commercial about chicken without feeling my insides crawl.  And the food cravings are starting to come. I can't attest to wanting pickles and ice cream, or anything entirely too strange, but I did have an odd one today. Not pickles and ice cream odd, but, well . . .

 

It's a coffee cup filled with broth. Chicken broth, actually. Which is a little bit strange considering chicken makes me want to gag.  I guess it's a texture thing and not a flavor thing, because when the idea suddenly popped into my head, it quickly became a MUST have.  My second cup is in the microwave as I write.

So, I must still be pregnant.  Or at least incredibly crazy.

Another change with being pregnant is my newfound obsession with baby shows.  Today alone, I have watched "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant," "A Baby Story," "Bringing Home Baby," and "One Born Every Minute."  Also, "Sister Wives," which I don't know if that counts as a pregnancy show, but one of the wives is preggo in the old DVR episodes that I'm currently watching, so maybe.

I'm also addicted to baby apps (I have an iPhone), baby websites, baby books, and baby blogs.  I even created a list on Facebook of which ones of my female friends have children under the age of three.  I'm driving poor Ben completely crazy, and I worry that I'm starting to go a bit crazy as well.  I just want to make sure that I'm doing everything correctly!  I want to be the best Mommy that I can possibly be.

So that's enough of a confessional for one day, I will now go and hop in the shower so that I can be nice and clean when DF gets home from work in a little bit.

That is, after I finish my second cup of broth.  x.X

Welcome.

I really dislike the obligatory introduction that begins every new blog.  But nonetheless, I do find it obligatory.  So here goes . . .

My name is Geneva and I am many things: sister, daughter, step-child, step-parent, alcoholic who is active in my own recovery, recovered bulimic, wannabe buddhist, mama to four grey kitties, fiance to a very tall and handsome photographer with a dream in pizza restauranteering, writer and inventor of strange words, community theatre actress, and I am now embarking on my latest role, that of mommy-to-be.

There are a lot of things that I aspire to do with my life, the latest of course being that I want to be an amazing mother to the nine week old baby in my belly.

These are my beautiful step-children:

(Because what's a blog without photos?)

Noah Benjamin is the cheeky little three-year-old on the left.  He turns four the beginning of July.

Emma Danielle is the beautiful princess to his right.  She just turned five this St. Patrick's Day, but she is four in this photo.

Here's another one of her, pretending to read Daddy's Nintendo Power.  So proud of that little girl.  My only picture of Noah by himself ended up being a video, and it did horrible things to my formatting when I tried to put it on here, so I will get more photos up the next time they come to visit.

Oh yes, the sad thing about my beautiful step-children is that they live hundreds of miles away from us.  We're in Idaho, they're in California with their mother.  We get to see them about three times a year.  My favorite few weeks of the year.  Haven't seen them since Christmas, so they are due for another visit in a month or two.

Back to happy news! Here is a picture that we got yesterday of my little gummy bear in my belly:

Little head, two bitsy arm buds and the body.  It even wiggled for us.  And had a heartbeat of 181.  I could not be prouder.  I cried for hours after seeing my baby for the first time.  With all that I put my body through during my teenage years, I am AMAZED that my body can sustain life. 

I will get some cute pictures up of df and me in a little bit, all the photos that I have are old and in bad light.  Kids are cute no matter what, but I need to be well-showered and groomed to be presentable enough to go up on Teh Interwebs.  :)

Alright, this feels like a lengthy-enough opening. Now for the real fun: posting on a regular basis.  Hooray for the end of obligatory formalities!!  Haha.